


Angels or Devils

by shotsfiredat221b



Series: Letting Go [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Gabe Death Angst, How Do I Tag, M/M, Mid Season 9, Sabriel - Freeform, Sad Sam, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-31
Updated: 2014-07-31
Packaged: 2018-02-11 06:31:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2057535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shotsfiredat221b/pseuds/shotsfiredat221b
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Four years later and Sam still can't stop thinking about him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Angels or Devils

Sam's head fell back, he'd been pouring over the books in the bunker for hours and was still no closer to figuring out what it was that was killing people. It was late and Dean was still out with Crowley, as far as Sam knew they weren't coming back anytime soon, so he flipped on his music. 

 

The opening chords stuck and Sam was reminded why he let Dean play music in the car. This one brought back too many memories, but he couldn't shut it off. Just for tonight would he let himself remember. 

 

  
_this is the last time_   
_that I'm ever gonna come here tonight_   
_this is the last time - I will fall_   
_into a place that fails us all - inside_   


 

Closing his eyes Sam flashed-back to the Elysian Fields Hotel, where he knew the buliding lay in rubble. Reverted back to its haunting and crumbling sight under the pressure of time and the grace of an angel who's sacrifice was made.

  
_I can see the pain in you_   
_I can see the love in you_   
_but fighting all the demons will take time_   
_it will take time_   


  
_the angels they burn inside for us_   
_are we ever_   
_are we ever gonna learn to fly_   
_the devils they burn inside of us_   
_are we ever gonna come back down_   
_come around_   
_I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold_   


 

Sam could understand why Gabriel had made the stand there, why he had given them a chance to escape, but he would never forgive himself for leaving the angel like that. Everything that followed was Sam's fault; Lucifer, Hell, even Cas' god period, Sam believed if only he had listened. If only he had heeded the angel's warning.

   
 _this is the last time_  
 _that I'm ever gonna give in tonight_  
 _are there angels or devils crawling here?_  
 _I just want to know what blurs and what is clear - to see_  


 

Sam didn't cry anymore, there wasn't use for it or the time, but remembering the bright light of the archangels grace burning up in the rearview mirror, was enough to sting. 

  
_still I can see the pain in you_   
_and I can see the love in you_   
_and fighting all the demons will take time_   
_it will take time_   
_the angels they burn inside for us_   
_are we ever_   
_are we ever gonna learn to fly_   
_the devils they burn inside of us_   
_are we ever gonna come back down - come around_   
_I'm always gonna worry about the things that could break us_   


 

Sam's posture finally slumped as the thoughts of Gabriel began to leave as the song drew to a close. Gabriel was gone, but there was still work to be done. 

  
_if I was to give in - give it up_   
_\- and then_   
_take a breath - make it deep_   
_cause it might be the last one you get_   
_be the last one_   
_that could make us cold_   
_you know that they could make us cold_   
_I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold_   


 

Sam let the final chords hum before shutting off the music, and returning to the research. He couldn't save Gabriel, but he can save this town. 

"I'm sorry." Sam whispered to the empty bunker, but even the words felt false in his mouth. It was his fault and Gabriel wouldn't forgive him.

 

_"It's okay, kiddo."_

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first posted fic, so comments would be great.


End file.
